I'll freely admit that I'm down right now. I feel like I'm stuck in a whirlwind of not me. I see myself being unkind to peopoe, being selfish, partaking in gossip, drinking too much, staring into space instead of working to improve myself, avoding the gym, eating badly and being paranoid. My boyfriend has his own issues going, but when he doesn't email me, I'm convinced he's slowly plotting to break up with me which makes me sad.
No, our relationship isn't perfect, but I like him. He's brusque, and awkward and cold, but he's also funny and sweet and intelligent and...well I won't go on forever, but there's something about him that I adore -- that being said, I'm constantly convinced that there's someone else or I'm not good enough.
There's something wrong here. My entire life feels like it's on the edge of a precipice when the truth is, it's my life, and I can take control of it any time I want. Even as I say this, I hardly believe it even though I have no idea who else could possibly hold the reigns. It's up to me what happens to me, and I have to find a way to seek peace responsibly or I will totally implode. Prepare for too many posts in a given time. For some reason releasing my thoughts into the internet satisfies some deep sense of narcisism that I can't ignore.
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